When I went to see Baywatch, I didn’t have high hopes. It was already being panned by people “in the know.” While I really wanted to see this film, my expectations were not high for the movie.

I quickly guzzled a couple of beers before it started… gearing me up for whatever I had to sit though… and then laughed harder than I have in forever. I knew I was in for a good time when The Rock — shirtless I might add — opens the film by saving a young girl… while HUGE Baywatch letters pop up behind him as he pulls the injured girl from the ocean. The entire theater starts to clap as the letters explode on the screen. I knew right then, fun was about to be had. Then Zac Efron shows up. He is on a motorcycle and looking James Dean cool. It’s really not fair he is so funny. What right does a man with a body like that have being funny? Also, does he have an eight pack or 12? I’m not sure… I kept losing track while I was counting. For the record, I’m not sure exactly what the plot was… other than both The Rock and Zac Efron have magnificent abs. That’s a plot, right? Oh! And the girls have very nice boobs, if that is what you are into. Everyone in the film is super hot and super wet… SUPER WET… the whole movie.

So, I think what happened is some people were selling some flakka on the beach and the Baywatch lifeguards had to catch them. You know, lifeguards who are not cops, at all. The absurdity of it wasn’t lost on Efron’s character. That small sliver of reality into the ridiculous plot made the movie even more hilarious. Unfortunately, I kept forgetting what the point was when everyone ran in super-slow motion. Lots of shots of muscles and boobs… what was I talking about again? This movie is rated R. That’s probably a good thing. I’m positive no dad or mom wants their kids in the movie theater with them while they are watching those perfect bikini bodies run in slow motion through the sand. Also, I thought the bad girl in the movie was Selena Gomez the whole time. I was going to write about how great she was, as an actress, but I Googled the actress and it was this chick named Priyanka Chopra. She looks just like Selena Gomez though, so you can legit fanboy out and pretend.

This movie was, in all seriousness, extremely funny. I laughed the entire time. This is the must-see comedy of the summer. You don’t need to have watched the show in the ’90s to enjoy it. I loved watching the chemistry between Zac Efron and Dwayne Johnson. They were very funny together and seemed to truly enjoy each other’s company. I am going to need all of you to go see this! I need it to be like the Fast and Furious franchise. I NEED a new Baywatch film each summer. I want each film to get more and more ridiculous. I’m not joking when I say it is absolutely the funniest film of 2017. If you were a teen or in your early 20s during the ’90s, you will absolutely need to see this movie… because nostalgia. Leaving the theater, I heard everyone talking and they loved it and the soundtrack, too.

Go see Baywatch this weekend to start your summer out right. How can you beat a beach movie with tons of hot bodies running in slow motion on the beach? Get your friends together, have a couple of drinks and get ready to laugh. This movie is five stars and the most fun you are going to have this weekend, if you don’t leave exhausted from being in a perpetual state of being turned on for two hours.