Dementia has been a persistent presence in my family for several years. The journey began with my father in the late 2000s, culminating in his passing in 2011. Currently, I confront the daily challenges of witnessing my mother gradually succumb to the same disease. While she experiences more good days than bad at present, I observe the dwindling frequency of these positive moments. My primary objective is to ensure she can continue residing in her home until the point where I am no longer equipped to provide the necessary care.
Dealing with dementia is among the most formidable challenges one can face, impacting not only the individual afflicted, but also those who love and care for them. The gradual erosion of my mother’s memory is a painful process, and while she currently recognizes me on most days, I am aware that one day, she may not remember who I am. The prospect of losing the essence of our relationship, built over years of being her “little boy,” weighs heavily on my heart. At times, this impending loss feels more profound than the sorrow associated with eventual physical separation through death.
The topic has been explored in various cinematic expressions. The Notebook, featuring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams, stands out as perhaps the most renowned film addressing the subject. It unfolds a poignant love story between two young individuals who passionately fall in love and age together, only for one to be afflicted by the devastating disease, ultimately forgetting the other. Another notable work, The Father, starring Anthony Hopkins, takes a unique perspective by portraying the challenges of dementia through the eyes of the individual suffering from it, as well as those who hold him dear.
While most films addressing this theme typically fall into the drama genre, the horror category offers a different take with The Taking of Deborah Logan. This mockumentary-style film portrays a woman seemingly grappling with dementia, only to reveal a sinister twist as she becomes possessed.
Memory is a new film from director Michael Franco that deals with this subject matter. Sylvia (Jessica Chastain) is a social worker and recovering alcoholic who suffered from a traumatic incident early in her life. As a recovering addict, she sets a very structured life, avoiding as much deviance from her schedule as possible to maintain her sobriety. However, at the suggestion of her daughter (Brooke Timber), she attends a high-school reunion. As she leaves, she is followed home by Saul (Peter Sarsgaard), who ends up camping outside her door.
Terrified that Saul may be one of the people who caused her trauma, Sylvia confronts him the next day, only to discover he is not one of those people. The two soon form a friendship, which kindles into something more. However, Sylvia soon discovers Saul’s diagnosis of dementia, and it threatens to not only destroy both worlds, but plunge her back into addiction.
Both Chastain and Sarsgaard deliver performances that surpass greatness. As the awards season approaches, any discussion of Best Actor and Actress must unquestionably include them. Notably, Peter Sarsgaard’s talents shine brightly, portraying Saul with both strength of resolve and the fragility of his condition in a manner that is simultaneously inspiring and disheartening. Saul’s yearning to overcome his degenerative condition clashes with the increasing control it gains over his life each passing day, and Sarsgaard captures this dichotomy expertly. It’s no wonder Peter earned the 2023 Volpi Cup for Best Actor at the Venice Film Festival for his role in Memory.
However, Memory does exhibit a notable flaw. The film lacks significant payoffs. Throughout the narrative, we learn about Sylvia’s teenage trauma, only for the revelation that Saul and others she believed were involved to be a misdirection. While this revelation is pivotal, it doesn’t lead to any consequences or character changes. It feels like a major flaw that director Franco may have inserted into the film during an earlier stage of development without considering its impact in later production. Had there been some character development or change for Sylvia, perhaps making her the one in need of Saul’s care and mental healing, the impact would have been more substantial.
Despite this flaw, I give Memory four out of five stars. The film is a beautifully crafted tale of love emerging from the pain of two broken individuals — Sylvia, grappling with childhood trauma and addiction, and Saul, a man battling an unbeatable disease. The chemistry between the characters, as well as Chastain and Sarsgaard, is exceptional, setting the stage for potential recognition during the upcoming awards season.
Make sure to include Memory in your list of must-see films this year.
If, like me, you are navigating the challenges of caring for a family member or friend with dementia or Alzheimer’s, remember that you are not on this journey alone. Numerous support groups exist to provide assistance and understanding. Visit the webpage if you require guidance. While the battle is undoubtedly tough, having a supportive community can make a significant difference. Remember to take care of yourself in the process.