Welcome to the 2024 Movie Awards, where the red carpet is optional, the tuxedos are rented (if worn at all) and the categories are as unique as the films they honor. This is not the space for your typical “Best Picture” or “Best Actor” accolades. Instead, we’re here to celebrate the quirky, the unexpected and the unforgettable moments that made 2024 cinema so wonderfully weird. From inventive uses of special effects to actors taking wild career pivots, these awards capture the true spirit of movie magic — with a healthy dose of humor.

Let’s dive into the year that was, one delightfully odd category at a time!

The “CAGE RAGE & EERIE DANCE BREAK” Award: Nicolas Cage in Longlegs

This award can only go to Nicolas Cage for his delightfully unhinged and utterly mesmerizing performance in Longlegs. With his signature mix of manic energy and unsettling charm, Cage somehow made serial-killer choreography a thing — blurring the line between terror and interpretive dance. Whether he’s delivering a monologue with the intensity of a Shakespearean madman or pirouetting through a crime scene with unnerving precision, this performance proves once again that no one goes Full Cage quite like Nicolas Cage.

“MOVIE THAT MADE ME THANK GOD I’M NOT IN THAT CONFESSION BOOTH” Award: Conclave
This award goes to the film, Conclave, for making even the most casual viewer breathe a sigh of relief that their spiritual woes don’t involve secretive power struggles, papal politics or having to vote for a new pope under the most high-stakes, candlelit conditions imaginable. For its masterful ability to turn Vatican corridors into corridors of dread, Conclave wins this award for proving that sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.

The “MID-CARD MAIN EVENTER” Award: John Cena

I hate to say this award goes to John Cena, who spent 2024 proving that while he may be a WrestleMania headliner in the ring, but his cinematic matches this year struggled to break out of the midcard. From playing the hardly seen sidekick in Argylle to failing to turn nothing into something with the film Jackpot!, Cena’s filmography this year may not have been championship material, but it definitely flexed its comedic chops. Here’s hoping 2025 brings more main event-level scripts — or at least a steel chair to the box office.

The “PLEASE PASS THE THERAPY COUPON” Award: Damien Leone’s Terrifier 3

Many directors manage to capture lightning in a bottle once. Only a rare few achieve it twice in the same franchise, and an even smaller number sustain that streak through an entire trilogy. Damien Leone, however, has defied the odds, stunning audiences again and again with his relentless use of blood-soaked chaos and stomach-turning scenes of vile horror. And so, I proudly present this award to Terrifier 3 for its unmatched commitment to making viewers squirm, scream and deeply question their life choices.

Just when we thought Art the Clown couldn’t possibly become more deranged, Terrifier 3 pushed the boundaries with grotesque visuals so extreme they had even seasoned horror fans clutching their emotional support blankets. Congratulations to Leone and the team for turning horror into a full-contact psychological marathon — our dreams (or rather, nightmares) will never recover.

“BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR” Award: Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

Never thought I would be presenting this award to Tim Burton and Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, the movie that proved sometimes fan service is less like a gift and more like a monkey’s paw wish gone horribly wrong. Despite Michael Keaton’s spirited return as everyone’s favorite bio-exorcist, the film struggled to escape the shadow of the original’s nostalgia, leaving audiences to wonder if some classics are best left undisturbed. Much like Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice reminded us that the dead don’t always need to be resurrected — especially when the end result feels more like an exorcism of our childhood memories.

“DISNEY HAS BECOME SELF-AWARE” Award: Deadpool & Wolverine

It is an honor to give Deadpool and Wolverine this award for single-handedly restoring faith that Hollywood can still deliver comic book films that are as fun as they are self-aware. By shamelessly skewering the MCU’s current existential crisis and throwing in a heaping dose of snark, gore and Hugh Jackman in peak Wolverine form, this movie reminded us why we fell in love with superhero flicks in the first place. Bravo for proving that sometimes the best way to fix the genre is to laugh at it — preferably while slicing through bad guys and delivering killer one-liners.

“THE FAMILY HEARTBEAT” Award: The Wild Robot

If I may take a moment to shift to a more heartfelt note, this award is dedicated to The Wild Robot, a film that has effortlessly found its way into the hearts of families around the globe — mine included. With its enchanting storytelling and breathtaking animation, it has become a beloved centerpiece of family movie nights in my own home. The narrative beautifully explores how a robot can learn and embody human emotions while protecting the wildlife it grows to care for, resonating deeply with viewers of all ages. This award honors its universal appeal and the immense joy it has brought to many around the globe. Here’s to more extraordinary family films like this one in the future.

And finally…

The “DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING” Award: Dwayne Johnson

Yes, I am a wrestling fan. And yes, I am a movie nerd. When I think of wrestlers who crossed the divide between fictional fighting in a ring to fictional fighting on the big screen, few can say they have done it as well as The Rock. So, I am presenting this final 2024 award to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for proving that while critics may grumble about his ubiquitous presence in Hollywood, audiences still flock to see him save the day (and the box office) with his signature blend of charm, muscle and eyebrow raises.

In 2024, Johnson spent a lot of time back in the squared circle, feuding with Cody Rhodes and Seth Rollins at WrestleMania. Still, he delivered a couple of films that may not have redefined cinema but undeniably reminded us how fun movies can be. Whether he was punching through evil snowmen in Red One or reprising his role as the demi-God, Maui, in Moana 2, his performances were larger-than-life, unapologetically over-the-top and undeniably entertaining. Say what you will, but The Rock is still cooking — and it’s a recipe for good old-fashioned blockbuster fun.

I hope you had as much fun reading these lighthearted awards as I did creating them. It’s always a joy to take a break from the usual awards season buzz and shine a spotlight on movies that might not be getting the recognition they deserve. If even one or two of these made you smile, let me know on whatever social media platform brought you here. Here’s to an exciting 2025 ahead — can’t wait to have you join me for the ride!